These days, I bottom more than I top. I own the “power bottom” label, despite its somewhat nebulous definition. (To condense it into a soundbite, I like to say that I “fuck from the bottom.”)
99% of the time, I’m bottoming frontally. Oddly enough, I’ve encountered more partners who expect me to avoid my front hole rather than use it, but I’ve been fucking with it for more than a decade and its resilience and independent control is what makes it so much damn fun. I can accommodate damn near anything and it rarely feels uncomfortable (nothing another glob of lube won’t fix) and never painful.
Bottoming anally, on the other hand, is an exercise in patience and acceptance that some days, it’s just not going to work. I need to take it slowly, and adjust and re-adjust constantly. Don’t get me wrong– once I’m comfortable, it’s absolutely worth the effort, but it’s almost always undertaken as a solo endeavor as part of an hour-long self-love session when the mood strikes and I have the house to myself.
I’d love to bottom anally more often with my partners, but I’m caught in a catch-22. I want to bottom anally in the same aggressive, dominant style that I bottom frontally. That’s a skill only gained with experience. I can only gain that experience by having the sort of sex I don’t really want to have.
Despite that, I was butt fucked successfully a few weeks ago, for the first time in over two years. It felt great and I came like a rocket launcher. The top was an ex of mine, a relationship where the power dynamics have always been clear, so when I told him, “Fuck my ass,” he eagerly did as he was told (after briefly whining, “What?! I thought you were going to fuck my ass..”). Knowing that I was still in control– control of him, not just the empowered “take charge of your sexuality!” sort of control– was part of what made it work.
I don’t know where I’ll go from here. More butt play is in my future; there’s no doubt about that. It’ll probably be a while before I’m really ready to butt fuck from the bottom, but as they say, the journey can be every bit as much fun as the destination.